cindy

i met xinying and weiling today. yes, again.

we went clarke quay for the gmax bungy. http://www.gmax.co.nz/

its really a great experience, but also its way too costly.

central is a nice place to hang around for drinks and talk. the surrounding gives a calm and secure feeling with boat passing by occasionally.

today is not exactly a good day for me. i wouldnt wan to deny any disappointment i had for the day. i been looking forward for the evening to come.

i want to shop for a pretty gift for friend, getting that handset that i had been eyeing, thought of satisfying my dessert craves.. in short, i just wan to get out.

too much anticipations. so when i couldnt get any of that, im very sad. i can hardly think nor comprehend any other negative feelings. sometimes i wonder if im partly at fault for having these hopes, when the frequency of it happening is so predictable.

sad and angry is two different thing. i never get the chance to be angry because i cant do it. in order to do so, security is needed because you know your partner will do to live the situation again. you cannot afford to do so and it turn to a flop. i wouldnt deny the insecurity and low self esteem within me.

i am very confident with that perfect As’ i had from friendship scorecard. but when it comes to relationship, i seriously arent fit to comment on any grade. i do work towards keeping the relationship, and i really really tried to. just that nothing is certain. it works two way and i can never program another person. we all think differently. all i can, was to pray for it to last.

Too many broken hearts in the world
There’s too many dreams can be broken in two

recently, alot of people around me have ended their relationship. i felt so sad for them. im not good with words to encourage, because if im the one i guess i probably have a harder time trying to pick up myself. if i myself cant do it, how would i possibly be able to talk. if needed, i could only offer to listen and be sad together.

that day while reading, few lines from the novel hits me.

‘I love people, friends. I used to love my husband, Tom, more than life itself- until he left me saying, “Lindsay, I can’t  explain it. I love you, but I have to leave. I need to find somebody else. There’s nothing else to say.”

it guess this sound so familiar to most people whom relationship ended with that statement. it was truthful but it was dumbest, saddest thing to hear.

i have so much feeling and felt as what the author wanted us to with the character. the heart that has been shattered to million pieces is very unlikely to heal. im a skeptical person, and i get very paranoid in relationship.

The world is full of lonely people
Who never held onto love

Someday, I believe it
You will come to my rescue
Unchain my heart you’re keeping
And let me start anew

I’ve been living with a shadow overhead
I’ve been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I’ve been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can’t seem to move on

I’ve been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need em again someday
I’ve been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh

I’ve been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I’ve been searching but I just don’t see the signs
I know that it’s out there
There’s got to be something for my soul somewhere

I’ve been looking for someone to shed some light
Not somebody just to get me through the night

I could use some direction
And I’m open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I’m hoping you’ll be there for me in the end

i finally get to sleep for eight hours.

woke up at 11am to  do my report- article reflections and classroom management plan. i did it quickly by typing in all the notes i did on the other day during rockers’ lecture.

i rush because i had promised to take my small cousin out to play. i finished at 2pm and we went out after that. we took bus to downtown east.

im so excited to get her to play the mini bowl that mdm sabariah had mentioned. look so fun! we had 4 games before mum ice cream treats.

nothing much, just simple direct trip. just want to spend some quality time with family apart from the fhectic life i led.

met amalina and xinying at marina pizzahut for dinner. so sweet of that skinny to plan so many things for xinying. surpirses everywhere, first she got her a balloon, then lights were dimmed and cake brought in with the entire restaurant playing ‘happy birthday’ song.

after that went home for shower and rode over xinying house again. this time round, weiling the planner. she coordinated with xinying family to surprise her on dot.

its really funny though i held dumb holding to that cake squatting in the toliet for ten minutes -.-

Happy Birthday CHUA! :)

i got a summon for parking ;( i reach xinying house at 11.40pm, got a summon at 12.10am. im a good and honest citizen who abide rules, i always put a coupon when i meet her at bishan. but for today, i thought since its just awhile and after the rain the bike is wet and stuff, i decided not to. lazy.

hmm… i think im ‘lucky’ .

im charged with rule infringed: parking places rules (cap.214, R2). basically it meant parking without a vaild season parking ticket. i was charged i parked at white lot, but her place after 10pm its considered season parking.

isnt it lucky for me not to waste even that sixty five cent?

HA, look on the bright side people.

$25 dollar burn burn burn! :(

ohh anyway i saw another rule, it says of having coupon with wrong date of so. hmm i guess that offense would be cheaper right. haha at least you put, though the coupon could have back dated. i gona make it a practice next time. (choy! but just in case) :P

i like bikes.i like bikers. today i came to know a guy living same block. i was struggling to get my bike out of the trapped lot and he offered to help.

NEH NEH, the reason why my bike landed in that state because the temple people shift it! bugger. i mean if you really need to shift, do it properly la.

i have seen bike with lock handlebar been push to nowhere after few circular turns. i understand that sometimes i might have block people way so i  never had that habit to lock handlebar so that people can shift slightly if necessary.

but NO. wadahell. it was abruptly slot in one half of the lot, with handlebar interlock with another bike. im angry, seriously hate that.

so the guy i just knew was warming his bike when he see me in that caught situation. he came over to lift the other bike so that i can get out. sweet right.

i like this. biker help biker. friendly.

furthermore, he is a bigbiker. haha i seen his stunting bike everyday, its so nice. today i finally get to know the owner :) haha good people are all around me!

bad memory, i forget the name. the next time i see him, i gona thank him again and ask. its so great isnt it? even at parking lot, in tough situation, you made friends : )

love home, love your neighbours. love my country (v)

(despite the summon!) HAHA! :)

i submitted the report for supporting diverse learners last night.

we had emotional and behavioural disorder test today. omgomgomg. kinda tough. its either i have totally no idea whats the answer or i simply cant recall any word from rocker.

what is the medicine taken by anxiety disorder patient?

what are the techniques Carl Roger show in the video?

which type of patient need to receive 40 hrs per week of treatment?

gone-r.

today marked the last day for us to shop, eat snap at riverwalk. aww.. we gona miss that place :(

we will be having the remaining lectures at one north starting from next week.

right now, im still stuck and struggling to complete previous assignment.

tmr is our day off. LIKE FINALLY~

im looking forward to that. really tire.

anyway, i discovered something today. hmm, its not new la, im quite noob.

what i discovered was….

http://www.blackle.com/

Blackle saves energy because the screen is predominantly black. “Image displayed is primarily a function of the user’s color settings and desktop graphics, as well as the color and size of open application windows; a given monitor requires more power to display a white (or light) screen than a black (or dark) screen.” Roberson et al, 2002

Do change your home page to Blacke, do take that small steps in our everyday lives to save energy. This way every time you load your Internet browser you will save a little bit of energy. Remember every bit counts! You will also be reminded about the need to save energy each time you see the Blackle page load.

Help us spread the word about Blackle by telling your friends and family to set it as their home page. If you have a blog then give us a mention. Or put the following text in your email signature: “Blackle.com - Saving energy one search at a time”.

too many things going on.

race against time. i have 48 hours before deadline.

instead of coming up with eassy with 1800 words, i have now with me 4000 words when i haven even do my conclusion -.-

96 hours for another assignment- reflections on articles read, and do a classroom management plan.

screwed.

its not difficult. its the momentum to get things going.

probably i could be one suffering from odd here. haha.

anyway, last sat i went for 10k run. hell run i called. whole body aches. im not a running person, and i dont train for that. at times, i really wan to just give up as my knees gave the cues.

finished around less than 100 minutes? guessed so, its not about the timing, to me, my concern was whether am i able to make it through and complete the race.

went RP for standchart volunteer briefing. it’s good to be home. i was appointed and given the opportunity to lead as carnival leader. i am really really happy  with my role. thats exactly what i wanted.

im excited to get involve in this sporting event expecting a huge crowd. im put in an area working closely with kids and families, hmm, it doesnt need to be in swensens, i found other form where i can share and  offer family-oriented services.

i picked up a book from library the other day. 1st to die, by James Patterson. despite the rush i had for everything, im glad to be able to set aside reading time. i like the story, tracking the red beard with the inspector everyday :)

everything’s good.

16 more days to PAYDAY. :(

anyway if anyone you have nothing to do, you can drop by esplanade to catch what’s your move. for the past week, they been introducing dances to public, teaching them simple moves.

i i volunteered myself for esplanade youth for this event, we are assigned to learn and teach the floor hip hop and mambo. our briefing happened to be on last friday, on a salsa night. so i watched as audiences and learn some simple moves. wowowow, the dancers bodies were so good in twisting ;)

last sunday was hiphop, as my body was aching, i didnt enjoy much though the moves were choreographed very nicely. haha i can dance simple hiphop okay, just that sometimes my hands and legs doesnt syn. -.-

mambo is cute. lots of hand sign, gestures to express the song. its something interesting apart from my usual song signing. its so simple that any idiot can read, understand and feel.

this coming wed, 7pm onwards the floor is out to all who dying for party. come on to join or watch if you have nothing else exciting kaes. see me, say hi. :)

these are the songs we learnt. hmm, welcome to join the dance people!

·I Should be so Lucky – Kylie Minogue

·Call Me – Spagna

·Never Gonna Give you Up – Rick Astley

·Bizarre Love Triangle – New Order

·Too Many Broken Hearts – Jason Donovan

·Love in the First Degree - Banarama

http://www.imeem.com/people/SjPDmc/playlist/qIpx8qv5/zouk-mambo-jumbo-music-playlist/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQnnLlM6pIs

getalife!

despite the saying that, ‘there is no failure, only feedback’, sometimes, i wouldn’t deny the difficulties to overcome and accept the failure.

2nd Dan grading results out. my brother and i failed.

if you were to ask, what i felt was, ‘we put in our best, but thats definitely notthe best‘.

we did tried to perform to conform to the standards, but i guessed we were just not there for the mark. we could have done better with more time allowance but we rushed and went with cross fingers. we didn’t want to wait for another three months because we felt that one year of practise was enough.

to be frank, i’m dishearten. we, human being, just couldn’t run away with the fact that we only honour success and winning. if you do something, of course you wants it to be an positive output. thats our expectations.

it’s always like that. after it happened then we starts to think and regret for our actions. if its just myself, im good to try again. but one of the reasons that made me upset was the guilt feeling.

mum paid for our grading fees. each hundred and fifty which adds up to three hundred, just for that few minutes of promotion test and yet we did not perform well. i felt irresponsible for that.

mdm patricia and jj accompanied us through the grading. they offered to be our sparring partners, so we will be able to demonstrate and score better. but well..

i was just thinking. even as an adult, or perhaps young adult, i do take failing as a big setback. it is really very discouraging when you failed to perform the expectations set by yourself and others. every assessment means alot to me because it determine the understanding and efforts in learning. i believed others’ would have their own definition to motivate themselves.

im just thinking, putting children into all these, what are the struggles they facing?  we do laugh on ‘jokers’ who deserved to fail for grading, for this grading, we have quite a few who failed as well. now that we are all failures, i guessed i would be able to appreciate better.

hopefully, all failures’ could be like me. failure learns not to fail again from same mistakes.

today i sat down to watch channel 8 program from 7.30pm-9pm.

serial drama these days have so many new faces, after spending 30mins on the show, i got nothing out of the plot. no meaning, no climax. its not like those hong kong drama where every episode, every minutes have their exciting story to tell.

i continued to watch the variety show about life. it showcased cesarean, for that few seconds, i seems to witness the delivery scenes. the mum womb skillfully been sliced opened, doctor detected hair of baby and got him out. within that few flashes scenes, a new life been brought to this world.

it looks scary to me. seriously i cannot be put to imagine how unbearable the pain that every mother had gone through. they surely deserved to be crowned as noble person in this world.

my routine for weekday is to meet tan at 7pm to have dinner at his place. his mum prepares delicious dishes and we will have dessert after our meal. as usual we had soya drink and glass jelly.

as i was sitting below the void deck with tan, we saw a bunch of teens. vulgarities, smoking and other acts of juvenile delinquent. it led me to reflect why are they like that and again, do they worth the pain the mum endured through for months, and that scar after their born. its just sad to see people changing, for the worse.

easy to comment on others, today wasnt a good day when we wrangled. actually our talking has no topic, its somehow ended when we refused to listen.

i seriously dont like to be ‘accused’ or even associated with it. if i did, i did. i dont like words and thoughts framing on me directly. i would better appreciate tactful way of informing me my behaviour and be sensitive with my thoughts.

naturally, i got into very defensive mode. i tried to explain yet it doesnt help while the accusation was reinforce. thats where i cant help but to switch off immediately because i do not wish to pick up a serious argument on that anymore.

its so hard to earn trust for people. thats why i always had that strong belief that we should never lie. if you do, there goes your credibility. its so hard trying to convince people, and even harder to prove yourself innocent.

I’m hearing what you say
But I just can’t make a sound

so sad.

i was surfing the net and found this interesting website.

http://prischoolmaths.blogspot.com/

wow wow wow. primary school children are dealing with such high level of thinking questions nowaday.

i had my PSLE in the year  2001. now its 2009.

eight years. how time passes, people changes and expectations rises.

practical society, moving world.

some examples of the questions.

Percentage

http://prischoolmaths.blogspot.com/search/label/Percentage

Qn1: Tom had $144 more than Ali at first. After Tom spent 25% of his money and Ali spent 1/3 of his money, Tom had $122 more than Ali. How much did Tom have at first?

Ans: $312

Qn2: Ben had 40% more cards than Hugo. After Ben bought another 25% more cards, he had 225 cards more than Hugo. How many card did Ben have in the end?

Ans: 525 cards

Qn3: On the first day of camp, there were 540 more boys than girls. On the second day,  20% of the boys left the camp and the number of girls increased by 10%. If there were 2047 students at the end of the second day, how many students were there at the camp on the first day?

Ans: 2240 students on the first day

Qn4: Azman had 25% more marbles than Chongfu. Chongfu had 60% more marbles than Bala. During a game, Azman and Bala lost some marbles to Chongfu in the ratio 3:1. In the end, Azman and Bala had 780 and 480 marbles left respectively. How many marbles did Azman have at first?

Ans: 1320 marbles at first

as you can see, thats just one topic on percentage; can you imagine the rest of paper including other challenging topics like fractions, speed, volumes, rates..

:(

something is very wrong with me. age catching up, maturity or im just  getting older, i dont know. i tend to take things easy and very relax. low anxiety for assignment given, even though there are grades to it.

because of RP PBL, we are more outspoken and familiarize with presentation?

or is it because of the exposure i had in school as an AED, im now more confident to speak and instruct?

few days ago, we were told to present each individual’s group idea from the butcher sheet. nobody in my team took the initiatives so i volunteered. two in each team are to present, so i had another team mate who had the intention to ‘throw smoke grenade’. she said she will only read out the heading and pass on to me whom are expected to elaborate. i say fine, anyway its not hard and i know what to say.

nothing was rehearsing in my mind, i was relaxing hearing out the other team while she on the other hand was trying to phrase her thoughts on how to say (say the heading -.-)

the other team presenters were equally stressed. some with notes on hand, reading out without eyes contact and the others who stammer as they were still organising their thoughts.

i dont know if that was the right mood i had tune to because i wasnt excited and looking forward. basically it’s just a task given, so i literally went up speak on behalf of team and no additional feelings.

during secondary or poly days when we still having test as assessment, i will panic and days before i will load all informations to a extent ‘overload’  to make sure im well-prepared to score. but during this course of study currently, im not that hardworking to even read twice. as i flip through the notes, i know i knew, so i never really drill myself that hard. im not proud, i just couldnt put in that extra effort. i dont know why.

today, i had my 2nd Dan grading. i must really confess that i never practise all my patterns at all. two weeks ago when brother and i went for grading preparation workshop was my first time going through and remembering my koryo pattern. and for that sunday, it was hari raya holiday so no class.

during weekdays, im too tire to revise after lesson. so i only practise last sunday by going through all 10 patterns roughly once. i knew grading date are nearer, and its not cheap. one hundred and fifty for this promotion test, and i ought to practise, do well and pass. but still i did not.

i know i knew. test me any pattern, i know how to do it.

quite a number of people coming for grading today. we had to wait for all red 1 to clear before us. we wait for four hours, and even as we settle down for our turn, my heart still doesnt pick up the speed.

brother said he was very nervous, scare.. but i just cant feel a thing. im first, and he is fouth. we are the first team out for test. so yeah, we did koryo first and it was good.

2 other basic patterns were Taeguek Sam-Jang and Taeguek Sa-Jang. sam-jang is one of the pattern we practise least because the club doesnt have any kids in that belt.

i know how to do, but during the grading test, i failed to perform professionally. i made mistakes so i bowed and redo, to make it worst, i made another mistake again and need to redo. i finally got it right after the second try. i had it mixed with Taeguek E-Jang.

other than these mistakes, the rest i personally felt im still alright, able to perform what is required. only lacking was my stamina, i tends to get weak, look VERY pale when im aggressively engaged. though i claimed that i love sport and adventure, sometimes i really wouldnt deny that my physical is not there. im weak.:(

thats me. i dont know if the change is towards positive and negative, i do have new perceptions towards problem i faced with higher self-efficacy and self-confident. I KNOW I CAN.

anyway, just to share, im keen to work on a personal project.

somehow after attending Dr Steven’s instructional methods in outdoor education, i seems to be able to see a clearer picture of what should be the facilitation techniques and question myself if we really did a good job for fyp2.

my answer was NO, even though i scored an A. my team did a great job, we were extremely hardworking and no doubt on mr tham’s leadership. but.. i just felt that my report was out of point. it does not specify exactly what generation of facilitation and why.

after Dr Steven’s course, he defined clearly the needs of reflection, according to John Dewey. therefore the first few generations are obviously out. also, he questioned the last few generations such as frontloading and isomorphic because of practically, we wouldnt deny the fact that singapore do no have as much qualified high level instructors. during his lesson, he shared his idea that debriefing and metaphoric transfer, it was pretty reasonable and i totally agreed with his rationale.

im very inspire to REDO my fyp. i wan to investigate the facilitation techniques commonly used in singapore, i wan to frame my studies on primary level and i have a good quota for experiential. i will review on it as i work, i get to learn everyday, cool isnt it?

learn. unlearn. relearn.

im learning again, are you?

hmm. dozing off and rolling my eyes. i cant helped.

topic covered was alright, and i seriously felt that progression of class can be improve. we dont need to hang 45 minutes for definition slides and at the end of it, the goons still unable to differentiate differences between validity and reliability.

the credibility of lecturer was doubt when words like, ‘i thought’, ‘i assumed’, ‘im not so sure either’..

hmm im able to interpret better on my own rather to take the ride around the bush and still getting lost.

i duno what is flooded in some mind, but it was definitely not a conclusive environment for me to learn with too many ‘inclusive’. some questions just doesnt make sense and i dont see the point to be asked repeatedly.

bored. the task is not challenging enough for me. low arousal and super turn off.