cindy

today i sat down to watch channel 8 program from 7.30pm-9pm.

serial drama these days have so many new faces, after spending 30mins on the show, i got nothing out of the plot. no meaning, no climax. its not like those hong kong drama where every episode, every minutes have their exciting story to tell.

i continued to watch the variety show about life. it showcased cesarean, for that few seconds, i seems to witness the delivery scenes. the mum womb skillfully been sliced opened, doctor detected hair of baby and got him out. within that few flashes scenes, a new life been brought to this world.

it looks scary to me. seriously i cannot be put to imagine how unbearable the pain that every mother had gone through. they surely deserved to be crowned as noble person in this world.

my routine for weekday is to meet tan at 7pm to have dinner at his place. his mum prepares delicious dishes and we will have dessert after our meal. as usual we had soya drink and glass jelly.

as i was sitting below the void deck with tan, we saw a bunch of teens. vulgarities, smoking and other acts of juvenile delinquent. it led me to reflect why are they like that and again, do they worth the pain the mum endured through for months, and that scar after their born. its just sad to see people changing, for the worse.

easy to comment on others, today wasnt a good day when we wrangled. actually our talking has no topic, its somehow ended when we refused to listen.

i seriously dont like to be ‘accused’ or even associated with it. if i did, i did. i dont like words and thoughts framing on me directly. i would better appreciate tactful way of informing me my behaviour and be sensitive with my thoughts.

naturally, i got into very defensive mode. i tried to explain yet it doesnt help while the accusation was reinforce. thats where i cant help but to switch off immediately because i do not wish to pick up a serious argument on that anymore.

its so hard to earn trust for people. thats why i always had that strong belief that we should never lie. if you do, there goes your credibility. its so hard trying to convince people, and even harder to prove yourself innocent.

I’m hearing what you say
But I just can’t make a sound

so sad.