cindy

despite the saying that, ‘there is no failure, only feedback’, sometimes, i wouldn’t deny the difficulties to overcome and accept the failure.

2nd Dan grading results out. my brother and i failed.

if you were to ask, what i felt was, ‘we put in our best, but thats definitely notthe best‘.

we did tried to perform to conform to the standards, but i guessed we were just not there for the mark. we could have done better with more time allowance but we rushed and went with cross fingers. we didn’t want to wait for another three months because we felt that one year of practise was enough.

to be frank, i’m dishearten. we, human being, just couldn’t run away with the fact that we only honour success and winning. if you do something, of course you wants it to be an positive output. thats our expectations.

it’s always like that. after it happened then we starts to think and regret for our actions. if its just myself, im good to try again. but one of the reasons that made me upset was the guilt feeling.

mum paid for our grading fees. each hundred and fifty which adds up to three hundred, just for that few minutes of promotion test and yet we did not perform well. i felt irresponsible for that.

mdm patricia and jj accompanied us through the grading. they offered to be our sparring partners, so we will be able to demonstrate and score better. but well..

i was just thinking. even as an adult, or perhaps young adult, i do take failing as a big setback. it is really very discouraging when you failed to perform the expectations set by yourself and others. every assessment means alot to me because it determine the understanding and efforts in learning. i believed others’ would have their own definition to motivate themselves.

im just thinking, putting children into all these, what are the struggles they facing?  we do laugh on ‘jokers’ who deserved to fail for grading, for this grading, we have quite a few who failed as well. now that we are all failures, i guessed i would be able to appreciate better.

hopefully, all failures’ could be like me. failure learns not to fail again from same mistakes.